I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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