just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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