I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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