i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
