I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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