I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
