Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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