there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
