Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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