Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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