so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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