I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
