Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
