Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
