I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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