I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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