Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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