omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
