Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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