Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
