drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
