Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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