we have officially lost it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
