Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
