I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
