Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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