respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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