What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
