careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
two words: eviction party
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
