i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
