You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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