I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
