his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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