Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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