Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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