i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
