I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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