I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
