i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
