remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
