It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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