do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
