T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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