yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
