We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
