just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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