i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
