dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
