that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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