Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
