I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Let's get the cat blown out
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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