Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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