i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
