So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
