You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
