lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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