I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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