How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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