If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she looked like the before picture.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
