Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
