mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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