I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
