She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sober January is a disaster.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
