So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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