Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
