I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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