I love having hate sex.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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