I think I died a long time ago.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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