I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
