I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
