I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
