I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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