lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
